The Bend of the World: A Novel by Jacob Bacharach

Author:Jacob Bacharach
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Liveright
Published: 2014-04-14T00:00:00+00:00

8

At work, people had somehow become aware of my new role, whatever that was, and I found myself suddenly copied on a new volume of internal emails. They were mostly disputes between the Solve Teams and IT, or between finance and purchasing, and I couldn’t figure out why my name kept appearing on the cc lists until I mentioned it to Mark, who’d returned from wherever he’d been traveling and seemed to spend an inordinate amount of time hanging out at my desk and taking me to lunch. They perceive your power, he told me. They see you as an avatar of the higher powers around here. When Joe Blow emails Jane Doe to tell her that his motherfucking network printer still won’t scan to email, he includes your name to let her know that Others Are Being Informed.

Jesus, really? I said.

You never copied the mothership to let some dick know you mean business? Christ, Pete, what are you, like, moral or something? Self-possessed? I think I’ve found a gem in you. I think you understand the power of discretion.

Thanks, but I really don’t feel especially powerful, I said.

Shit, son, Mark said, you’re locked and loaded. What you really ought to do is start randomly responding. One-sentence emails. Has this been resolved? and that sort of thing. It will scare the shit out of everyone, and enhance your reputation as a stone-cold fucker. Huh, I said.

Set phasers on You’re Fired, he said.

I’ve never fired anyone.

We all gotta lose our cherry sometime, Mark told me. By the way, what are you doing on Friday? Helen and I are having a little dinner thing. Bring that cute hippie of yours. What’s her name?

Lauren Sara.

She’s probably a vegan or some shit.

Sometimes, I said. She’s currently pescatarian.

Dairy?

Yes. Usually.

Let me give you some advice. Never date a woman with dietary restrictions. Eating disorders are negotiable, especially if she’s got dental. Oh, on an unrelated note, there’s going to be a series of emails going around that say don’t talk to the press about the merger. I’ve had them phrased in the most blandly unthreatening language possible, all very in the interest of easing the transition period and in order to speak in one consistent voice we ask that you refrain, etc. So of course everyone will freak the fuck out. Anyway, my point is, you should feel free to ignore this. If you should feel like anonymousing around.

I don’t really talk to the press, I said. I don’t think I know any press. I don’t think the press is very interested in me.

He shook his head in wonder. Pete, he said.

Yes?

Never mind. You hungry? Let’s go grab some lunch. How do you feel about titty bars?

Really? I said.

Christ, don’t tell me you’re that sophisticated. Blush has a midget. And a decent Reuben, if you can believe it. Similarly priced, too.

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